Trump Official Planned to Give Santa Claus Performers Early Access to Covid-19 Vaccine

“I cannot wait to tell the president. He’s going to love this”

You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout. I’m telling you why. Santa Claus has early access to the Covid-19 vaccine.

At least, that’s how it would be if Michael Caputo, one of Trump’s HHS assistant secretaries, had his way. In perhaps one of the strangest plans to come out of this White House, Caputo proposed a $250 million campaign that would give Santa Claus performers access to the coronavirus vaccine before the general public. In exchange, the performers would agree to promote the vaccine to all the boys and girls who came to sit on their lap at Christmastime. And don’t fret about Mrs. Claus and the elves, because this hair-brained plan included giving them the vaccine, too.

The Wall Street Journal first reported the plan after obtaining documents and audio recordings of the idea being discussed. On Friday, though, HHS Secretary Alex Azar told the paper that the Santa “collaboration will not be happening,” to the disappointment of children and Santa Clauses across the nation.

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