The Gridiron Club Dinner returned Saturday night after a two year pandemic hiatus.
More than 600 guests gathered at the high-profile annual white tie media event that typically features lighthearted barbs and roast-style speeches from journalists and lawmakers on both sides of the aisle, along with skits and comedy sketches.
President Biden did not attend, and only two Republican Senators were there, Susan Collins and Roy Blunt. None of the Republican House members showed either, but there were plenty of VIPs including Merrick Garland, Anthony Fauci, Jen Psaki, and New York Mayor Eric Adams.
New Hampshire Governor Chris Sununu was the spokesman for the Republican side, and Jamie Raskin was the spokesperson for the Democratic side.
Sununu stole the show bemoaning the former guy
“You know, he’s probably going to be the next president,” Sununu said of Trump, musing about his “experience,” “passion,” “sense of integrity” and the “rationale” he brought to his tweets. As the room quieted to see where he was going with this, he paused, then yelled: “Nah, I’m just kidding! He’s FUCKING CRAZY!” The ballroom roared with laughter. “ARE YOU KIDDING?! Come on. You guys are buying that? I love it … He just stresses me out so much! … I’m going to deny I ever said it.”
“The press often will ask me if I think Donald Trump is crazy. And I’ll say it this way: I don’t think he’s so crazy that you could put him in a mental institution. But I think if he were in one, he ain’t getting out!”
Sununu also told a story about a time Trump visited him in New Hampshire and invited him to ride inside the presidential limo, The Beast. The then-president suddenly stopped talking and pointed out the window at people lining the road holding American flags, saying, “They LOVE me!” Only problem, said Sununu, was that the man he pointed to held a sign that read, “FUCK TRUMP.”
Sununu didn’t stop with Trump
- On VIRGINIA THOMAS’ now-infamous text messages to MARK MEADOWS: “We know she may be extreme, but let’s face it: when it comes to texting, she’s no ANTHONY WEINER. And you guys thought we forgot about that freakshow.”
- And TED CRUZ hanging out with the People’s Convoy: “Nobody really knows why [the Convoy protesters are] in Washington in the first place — which pretty much describes Ted himself, right? … What is with Ted? You see that beard? … He looks like MEL GIBSON after a DUI or something.”
- On Trump ally and MyPillow CEO MIKE LINDELL: “This guy’s head is stuffed with more crap than his pillows. And by the way, I was told not to say this, but I will: His stuff is crap. I mean, it’s absolute crap. You only find that kind of stuff in the Trump Hotel.”
And then it was Jamie Raskins’ turn
- “I was especially stunned that MADISON CAWTHORN and MATT GAETZ weren’t here, because nobody loves a good party more than those guys do. And so, I called Madison up to say, ‘What’s up, dude?’ And it turns out, it was a simple scheduling conflict: The Republicans have their own formal black-tie and white-powder orgy taking place tonight in the Capitol.
- “But then I thought, well, why was Sen. ROY BLUNT, who’s seated at table seven … not invited to this late-night meeting of the Sexual Freedom Caucus? I contacted the GOP Cocaine and Marijuana Study Group, and they explained it was all a BIG misunderstanding: They thought that ‘Roy Blunt’ was an alias for a local marijuana dealer, and they’re having a cocaine-themed event.”
- Nodding at the allegations against Matt Gaetz: “For those of us who are in Congress … we rent our tuxedos for the very infrequent parties and occasional orgies we get invited to. Look, it’s really tough to find a rental tuxedo this time of year: It’s high school prom season, and Matt Gaetz keeps getting the tuxedos that I want.”
Other notable moments
- A faux Fauci sang from the stage to the real Fauci in the audience: “Doctor, doctor, give me some clues, we’ve got a bad case of covid blues.”
- President Biden sent a video message played at the top of the night, explaining why he couldn’t make it. “I really wanted to be with you tonight, but the truth is I just couldn’t find a 7-hour-and-37-minutes gap in my schedule.”
A Hamilton parody with a Trump lookalike took the stage wearing a crown and robe, and sang “I’ll Be Back.”
I’ll be back, soon you’ll see.
You’ll remember you belong to me.
I’ll be back in ‘24.
You’ll be sorry that you showed me the door.
Biden lost, MAGA won.
The election still can be undone.
And when push comes to shove,
I will send a lightly armed militia
To remind you of my love.