It was a gloriously trashy event that went down on Trump’s birthday on the White House lawn on Sunday, a combination of gladiator and grift, business and politics, glorification of Dear Leader and an infraction of the Emoluments Clause of the US Constitution.
The Weather Channel angered Dear Leader as they warned of lightning strikes forecasted ahead of the event, as Doppler radar’s sciencey but partisan capabilities could have shut down the event, or delayed. There was a delay of 40 minutes, but the bigly show must go on, or else… God Bless America!
“This event is about celebrating America’s unmatched greatness after 250 years — which apparently doesn’t sit well with the friendless loser who wrote this bulls‑‑‑ clickbait headline,” a West Wing rapid response account wrote on the social platform X. “Rain or shine, we’re celebrating our great country no matter what.”
Trump and UFC CEO Dana White entered the fray as they sashayed across the White House Colonade with portraits of former actual dignified presidents looking on, as the Zac Brown Band performed the national anthem with Trump saluting as jets soared overhead.
Trump plopped his ass down between Dana White and Melania Trump for most of the night. Family members sat nearby, and other lawmakers were spotted at the event including FCC Chair Brendan Carr, Senate Leader John Thune, House Squeaker Mike Johnson, as well as billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg and David Ellison, whose Paramount+ streaming network carried the “gift to the American people” (if you had a paid subscription).
After American fighter Bo Nickal knocked out his opponent in the second fight of the night, the UFC star jumped out of the octagon, climbing over the chain fence and knelt down in front of Trump’s front row seat to kiss the ring.
Dana White had to wake up Sleepy Donmentia from his nap to witness the moment of victory.
The main event featured the underdog American Justin Gaethje pulling off the “surprise” upset of Spain’s Ilia Topuria.
Topuria was knocked out in the fourth round after referees determined he was too injured to continue the fight.
Gaethje claimed the UFC Lightweight Championship and jumped the ring to bend down to kiss Trump’s.
But the quintessential defining moment of the evening was saved for Josh Hokit who beat some other UFC moron by knockout in the second round, who with his last two brain cells declared that Michelle Obama was a man.
During a post-fight interview with Joe Rogan, Hokit made the declaration while the crowd cheered and Rogan grinned.