Tucker Carlson’s Latest Outrage: ‘The new M&M characters don’t turn me on!’

Fox ‘News’ host, Tucker Carlson, tends to whine opine about things that normal people don’t give a rat’s ass about:  Elmo’s opinions on BLM, and the supposed cancellation of Dr. Seuss, whose books continue to be massively popular.

His latest ‘faux outrage’ focuses on the decision by candy maker Mars to make M&Ms more “gender-inclusive” by updating its well-known cartoon characters.

“M&M’s will not be satisfied until every last cartoon character is deeply unappealing and totally androgynous. Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal.”

“Bet you didn’t think M&Ms were pushing intolerance, but they were, they’ve been changed.”

“You’re seeing those changes on the screen,” he said as images of the rebranded M&Ms were displayed.

“The green M&M, you will notice, is no longer wearing sexy boots. Now she’s wearing sensible sneakers. Why the change? Well according to M&Ms, ‘We all win when we see more women in leading roles.'”

“Because leading women do not wear sexy boots, leading women wear frumpy shoes. The frumpier the better. That’s the rule.”

“Until the moment you wouldn’t want to have a drink with any one of them. That’s the goal. When you are totally turned off, we’ve achieved equity. They’ve won.”

“And actually if you look at him, the orange M&M does appear very anxious,” Carlson said. “Maybe he doesn’t like all the ugly new shoes he sees around him. Maybe he liked the sexy boots. Maybe the orange M&M is a secret sexist himself.”

Comic Relief:

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