The man’s name has not been released yet, so we’ll call him Joe.
The DNR said the bizarre incident happened in early December in Kalamazoo County at the Gourdneck State Game Area near the end of hunting hours. Officers Cameron Wright and Joshua Salas came across a PT Cruiser parked at an entrance with a man behind the wheel. The report said the officers asked him if he had been hunting, and he immediately became aggravated and said he was there to listen to owls and wanted to be left alone. The DNR said officers noticed an open tall container of Natural Ice beer in a cup holder. They asked the man on a scale of one to 10 how drunk he was, and he allegedly replied “I’m at a 5. I’ll be honest I’m drunk.”
The report said the officers told the man to turn off his car, and they began to conduct sobriety tests. Halfway through the tests, the report said the man made a face of shock, grabbed his rear end, dropped his pants to his ankles and began pooping on the rear bumper of his car.
DNR said the man was arrested and taken to a hospital for a blood draw. On the way there, he told an officer using a GPS that, “Man, I’m the drunk one here and I have to give you directions on how to take me to jail you moron.” The report said while the man was at the hospital getting a blood draw, he told nurses that they were not drawing his blood, and instead that “It’s all beer. Not going to lie to you. Pure. Natural. Ice.”
Special thanks to PMSwithESP for today’s poop news tip.