You Said You Wanted Mug Shots?

Rudy.Coffee Isn't What We Had in Mind

With reports that Rudy Giuliani has been missing as Arizona has been attempting to serve him an indictment notice in the state’s stolen election scheme, America’s Mayor has been found on a bag of coffee beans.

Grappling with bankrupty and a debt of $148 million, Rudy has turned to his next grift — selling covfefe coffee.

“I’ve moved at a fast pace, and have had many different roles in life, but the one constant thing has been a good cup of coffee, which is now proven to have health benefits. Please enjoy my delicious fresh roasted specialty coffee. It’s quality you can trust,” he says.

Assisting Rudy in his endeavor is his girlfriend, Dr. Maria Ryan, recently fired from WABC radio along with her leaky boyfriend. She says they collaborated together on the project while “looking to improve her health.”

The three coffee bags each have Giuliani’s face on them — one a decaf option showing Giuliani “Enjoying Life” on the beach and another a dark roast option called “Fighting for Justice.” The website claimed that Giuliani will autograph the “first 100 bags” to be shipped as soon as June.

On Tuesday, a federal judge rejected Rudy’s appeal of the $146 million judgment levied against him for defaming two 2020 election workers. The judgement led to Chapter 11 proceedings for America’s Mayor in December.

The judge said he was “disturbed about the status of this case” and dismayed by the former NYC mayor’s “troubling attitude vis-à-vis the law and the court system.”

Rudy’s attorneys said that he had work in progress to bring in cash but did not specify details on Tuesday. A lawyer also said that his multimillion-dollar Manhattan apartment would soon be up for sale.

On the same day, Rudy launched his new business, a project that may amount to a hill of coffee beans.